“I’m a Bad Person” - Exploring Self-Criticism in Therapy, Part Two
In the last blog post, I talked about adaptive introspection and extrospection as tools for processing intrusive self-critical thoughts, such as “I’m a bad person.” In this post, I want to share what processing a thought like this in therapy might actually look like.
**An important note: This is not therapy advice or guidance, and it may not fit every person or every situation. For your own individual experiences, working with a licensed or qualified provider who can support you with your individual situation is recommended.
There are many different ways a therapist might approach exploring the belief “I’m a bad person” depending on their framework, training, and the needs of the person they are working with. As a general example, in my own work, I often incorporate a blend of Somatic, Narrative, Existential, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This kind of exploration might look something like this: after building grounding skills to support the ability to sit with discomfort and identifying personal values, we might begin to examine the story of the belief, deconstruct the narrative, and explore the possibility of creating new meaning.
Defining the Narrative
Start with exploring the story itself. “I’m a bad person.” Okay. What does that mean exactly?
What is a “bad person”?
If you had to write a definition, how would you define that?
Where did that definition come from?
Was it something you were born knowing, or did you learn it?
Existential Exploration
Depending on your definition of what it means to be a bad person, I might also ask:
Were you born a bad person, or was it something you learned, or something that happened to you over time?
If we’re getting stuck, I might widen the lens and ask questions about the human experience:
Is being ‘bad’ an innate condition or experience of being a human being?
Does innate mean that the experience or condition of being ‘bad’ lasts forever?
If the experience or condition of being ‘bad’ is innate, do you believe you have agency to change that?
If it’s not innate but learned, or shaped by our environments, can you learn something different?
Examining the Story Further and Explore Connection to Values
Once we define what ‘bad’ means, we can start asking:
Do you meet your current definition of a bad person?
Are you using the same definition for yourself that you use for other people?
If there’s a difference, why does that exist? Is this definition serving you or harming you?
Is it in alignment with your personal values?
Do you want to keep this definition or do you want to create a new one?
What might life look like or how might you treat yourself differently if you made a new definition?
If your new definition causes conflict with other’s values (family, culture, society, etc), how might you want to navigate that?
As you can see, there are a lot of different questions that could be explored!
There’s also so much nuance here, because our inner and outer worlds are full of complexity, and that’s part of why this work can be so helpful to do with someone else. The goal is not necessarily to find one perfect answer, prove the thought wrong, or force yourself into a more positive belief. Instead, create a space for curiosity, support the exploration of where a belief came from and what shaped it, and figure out what you want to do with it moving forward.